Question - (29 November ): 6 Answers - (Newest, 29 November ): A female age , anonymous writes: I've been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now and its going really Smitten. Reader's Dilemma: Help! My Boyfriend Has Online Dating Profile! Yikes! One of our sweet readers just sent us this perplexing email. Her boyfriend is signed up for an online · Above all stay calm and relaxed in your Feminine energy and don’t fly off the handle and lose control of your emotions. He expects you to lose control, so don’t! If he gives you any · On the other hand, you might decide to go your separate ways and move on. The key is to trust your intuition and do what feels right for you. “If you find out your partner has a Answer (1 of 5): Maybe Because: He is still jealous!! Or He wants to make sure you are still available! Or He is so curious who would fill the vacuum he left! Or He is not letting go! In fact, ... read more
Fast forward to this past weekend. I ended up finding a very active profile on okcupid. His match profile went active shortly thereafter. I set up a fake profile on okcupid where he is looking for everything including casual sex which he has now expressed his interest in. There is no doubt that I am finished with him. We had explicit conversations about exclusivity and expectations. We agreed if someone wanted to pursue others they should. Just be sure to be honest and cut the other person loose.
I know I will never receive a satisfactory answer from him. For the record, within the first 3 dates he told me he took his match profile down, how he was finished with online dating, what terrible luck he had, and how he expected to be stood up by me on the first date. We are both professionals in our late 30s and he has 2 teenage children. I never in a million years expected to be bamboozled like this.
I feel like the ultimate sucker. I thought I had all the right conversations to protect myself. I have been in a relationship off and on for the last year and a half. I made the mistake of hiding it from him and he found out. Last July he admitted to me that he has been monitoring my emails, Facebook, text messages, everything for over a year.
He read private conversations between me and my friends and family and got angry that I was talking to other people about our relationship. After this, I cut off all communication with everyone electronically and focused on him. Well fast forward to Christmas He dumped me on Christmas Day. Please note, I am a single mother and he has gotten very close with my daughter. He basically cut communication with me almost completely. During the week we were broke up I had booked flights to Chicago so my daughter could see her dad.
Well after we got back together, I asked him to come with. He declined. He told me go see your friends, have a good time, make the most of it. also saw another male friend and his fiancÃ©. I also told him that I had posted ads on craigslist looking for a male or female to go out with. He said NOTHING at the time. I met up with one guy for brunch one day, that was it.
I call him and he tells me he has plans to hang out with a female friend. Which he did. We got into an argument the next day because I went out for drinks with these friends of mine. So now, he is seeing other women because I did it in Chicago. I also asked him to take down his Afro romance profile and admitted to him I have his password. I have been a basket case all weekend and have asked him to come see me and he refuses.
Please help. I love him and my daughter loves him. He was monitoring your email for a year? Nearly every man I dated has behaved similarly.
My friends check and watch for each other. I am amazed that men are so dumb to think we are not paying attention to this. However, we need to create a sisterhood of dating codes…. i am in this boat right now. i told him i do not date more than one person at a time because i do not like to and he seemed surprised.
he NEVER told me we were exclusive to be fair to him, he also was with his ex over 10 yrs. i set up a fake online profile as i deleted mine 2. his profile is still up and i fake emailed him and he responded and wanted to meet with the fake girl for lunch or dinner but told the real me he might have to work as he is in law field.
once the fake dumped him he said we would have dinner. if you need more info let me know as well.. also note we are in contact every day most of the day and we do have fun together.
also after that dinner when the faked dumped him so he came over my house that night he made his pics private on the website when he went home?!?! is he just nervous to start a new relationship or to put all his eggs in one basket…OMG help. My advice is to stick with the relationship but have a goal of understanding where he is at in regard to being committed to one another. I found your site and noticed this thread when doing some research on this very issue.
com profile has been a sore spot off and on throughout our relationship. We met on Match. com in January and met in person two months later. Before meeting in person, he asked if it was premature for him to take his profile down. He said he really liked me and was growing tired of online dating.
I assured him that I liked him too but felt it was premature for me to take mine down before meeting in person. I told him he could do what he wanted, but until we actually met I could not do that.
After meeting in person, he asked me to be his lady and asked if we could leave Match. I assumed leaving Match meant that we would actually hide our profiles so that we would not come up in a search and that is what I did. I checked to see if he hid his profile some time later and not only was it still there, he was online when I checked.
I sent him a screen capture showing him online and asked him to explain because I thought we were exclusive. He said that he got an alert that he had a new message and so he was just responding to the email letting the person know that he was seeing someone and wanted to see how things would go with her. And really, it just saves time. When we did have another conversation about it, he said that he had never taken his profile down. He always left it up whether he was in a relationship or not.
He assured me that his subscription was going to expire soon and he would not be renewing and that he was only responding to email letting people know he was seeing someone. He said he was not looking for someone else.
Ok, so he has never taken his profile down and he did not want to do anything different because that is just him. I told him that what his visible profile said to me and everybody who saw it is that he is single, available, and looking for a date. To me, it is no different than sitting at the bar and having a sign that says just that. I painted him that picture too. I said what if we were sitting at the bar and you are wearing this sign, so women after women walk up to you to express their interest and you keep telling them that you are with me.
I even mentioned that because he had told me that he is a flirt it bothered me even more. A few weeks later, he let me know that I would not be able to find his profile and that I probably already knew that.
I was shocked that he finally hid it because nothing he said in the past would indicate that he would ever do that. A couple weeks later it was visible again. I asked him about it because I was confused because I thought we were doing ok.
He said we were but he put it back because he felt like he was just doing it for me and if he started changing little things then it would lead to other things. I never saw it as a little thing but always said that it was not changing him or who he was.
Knowing how Match works, I continued to check his online status and believed his subscription had expired because his status had gotten to the active within 3 weeks mark. Each time I check his profile, I looked to see if he added new pictures or updated in profile in any way.
He changed his headline, deleted a few things and reworded a few things. During our last visit, we talked about where we were and I expressed some concern about lack of communication.
He said he wanted us to do better and asked if we could hit the reset button. But, something told me to wait until I talked to him. After cooling off a bit, I called and confronted him.
He said that a few months back, he got an email about renewing and he logged on and deleted some pictures and updated his profile but did not renew. So, he said he updated months ago. I told him what I had seen. See, I created a fake profile and contacted him. He did not reply but I saw that he read the email, something you cannot do unless you are a paid subscriber.
He said he did not know what to say because he had not been on there and reminded me that he did not renew his subscription when it expired a long time ago. He said that really Match. com had really been a waste of time and money and he had no desire to spend that kind of money again on it.
And he asked why he would ask to hit reset with me and then go looking for someone else. He said that if I wanted to know how he felt about me and us then I should just ask him and not go sneaking around.
When we discussed it before, I believed his reasoning about being on there. So, why would he lie to me now? He has been honest about being on both sides of cheating in a relationship and told me when we discussed this last week that he has dated two women in the same town at the same time. Then he said that neither of us needed to go online if we wanted to cheat and he said that he was sure guys hit on me all the time but he had to trust that I walked away.
He said that sneaking around like this will drive you crazy because if you are looking for something to give you doubts about the relationship, you will always find something whether it is what it appears or not. He said he has been there and has done exactly what I have done so he can speak from experience. I have Googled this online now status thing and have found others have been in this situation as well where the party who shows online says they were not online.
I have also seen where some created fake profiles to check on their status on their real profile and it showed them online when they had not been. I also saw recently that since Hotmail and Match are owned by the same party, if you open Hotmail it will show you online on Match.
Not sure if that is true but my boyfriend does have a Hotmail account. Taking all of this into consideration and hearing what my boyfriend said, I really want to believe him, BUT what I did not tell him is that he has a highlighted profile.
It has green around it. This is only available to paid subscribers. I even confirmed this via telephone with Match. I asked if a person had a highlighted profile before, would it stay green once their subscription ended. I was assured that if someone had a highlighted profile, they were a paid subscriber. Given that, my boyfriend is either lying to me, Match renewed his subscription when he said not to, or someone is posing as him.
I have not mentioned the highlighted profile to my boyfriend. Should I bring this up when I see him or just leave it alone? Also, I plan to check his profile while we are together this weekend to see if his status shows online.
If it says online while he is with me then it could indicate something fishy going on with Match. I am in the same boat it seems. I met a great guy on PoF — we were also both on Match…. We have been dating for almost 5 months. I was previously also on OurTime and Zoosk…. well wild hair caught me a month ago and I logged into OurTime — my profile was deactivated with no photos and really barely any information, same with Zoosk… funny a simple search and there his face was — active that day… I looked on Zoosk… suprise… there he was, active that day.
I had asked if he was still on the sites and he said no…. I told him I had deleted my profiles, which I did — deactivate anyhow. We have a great relationship — see each other often and both like our alone time too. He is a Scorpio and they have major trust issues. I hope anyways. I have been seeing a guy for about 4 months but we are in a long distance relationship. I took myself offline after about a month. To my dismay he was online! He has even suggested we go skiing near wear his daughter is at school and I could meet her.
I am so upset. My profile is hidden too but I doubt he even knows he could see me if he even checked his past contacts. I guess my question is. Do I mention something before I go out there or not? Personally I think he is just curious and LD is a lot of work but I really feel strongly that he is worth it. Franck Dorlaud Yes I agree that keeping a dating profile active is cheating, we all agree with this sort of behaviour and there is no other name than a disrespectful, degrading behaviour or anything, however, my disagreement lies with is the mono-lateral mention of gender.
When writing to make interesting interesting and pertinent points, we want to take distance from partiality. simply because partiality falsifies the credibility of the author and in turn the substance of her or his arguments, biased analysis is an unintellectual exercise…. It should be called nothing else than disrespectful, degrading demeaning behaviour. However, my disagreement lies with is the mono-lateral reference to gender. When writing to raise interesting and pertinent points, efficient authors take distance from partiality, simply because partiality falsifies the credibility of the author and in turn the substance of her or his arguments, biased analysis is an unintellectual exercise…..
The author of this interesting topic made a fundamental mistake in using men only when this study if it is any, unequivocally should have included both genders, since the omitted gender is not an exception to the rule. Research that contains errors of this importance should not be taken seriously especially when they are not even peer reviewed….
Just my standpoint. My boyfriend of 5 months now has an online account. I met him on that site. My account is disabled. During our first month he lost his job and his mother was diagnosed with cancer. I told him I would stay with him during the hard times. Our relationship is long distance about 37 minutes away. I only started watching the account after his breakdown.
I thought something was wrong. Now after two months of not being on he was on again. I asked what he was up to that day and when I did he logged on an hour later same day he first logged on. I was devastated. A day went by nothing on his account but I had a feeling so I checked an when I did he happen to log on right after me.
Yet he was on for a minute. He told me I was scaring him. I thought maybe I forced him into the relationship. See my boyfriend has been in a very terrible relationship of 10 years. It was on and off. He told me he asked her to marry him but later on she claimed he forced her into it.
She used him for money and during the time was talking to another guy behind him. He said he knows he can be a better boyfriend to me but he has that block sometimes and the main issue is money to take me out. So after work I decided to text a long message to him about how I felt I too pressured him into the relationship. SeeI told him weeks prior I loved him which scared him. He said it was a big deal. As I know he might not feel the same. To which he said lets not jump to conclusions on that.
He came back to me after a few days of silence. So I wrote the message, I told him about how people had abused me and used me in the past. How no one cared about how their selfish acts hurt me it was always about what they wanted.
It was in way selfish I think cause now he may feel stuck. I felt I was no better then them myself. I want to talk to him about it but it might not be as big deal as I think if he is only on once a month for only a minute.
Any advice if you get this would be appreciated. Sorry this was long. Online Dating Blog Search this website Home Online Dating Blog My Boyfriend Has Kept His Online Dating Profile Active. My Boyfriend Has Kept His Online Dating Profile Active Posted by: Brad. About the Author: Brad initially struggled with online dating but over time became quite successful using it. He met his wife using online dating and has been giving advice and helping people improve their results since He has written a Free Online Dating Guide to help others find success with online dating.
You can learn more about his personal experience using online dating and running this website here. Comments 73 Comments 0 Trackbacks. jan October 5, Thankyou Louise so miuch for being brave and honest I have one such man and it is just awful I dont trust him so ultimately will end the relationship Its so painful as we get on so well and are very compatible I am very angry and disappointed in his behaviour. Louise May 10, PS AND…… DO NOT…..
YOU DO NOT….. With GOOD reason!!!!! GOD BLESS. cathy November 14, Yeah everything you said is like what im going through. julia February 24, OMG,,i feel everything that has been spoken about here. iggybxxx November 6, Read on!
I wish I had known this before I had the dreaded accusatory talk with my ex…. I thought it only happened when you reply, but this, they confirmed, is not the case. ximena July 2, I do not have a very big social life,to me dating sites are alternatives to meet some one. CanD October 7, It is not about TRUST. It is about RESPECT. Looking for friends? Holly October 17, I am currently going through this we have been dating for 6 months and had plenty of talks on my boyfriend being online daily.
jean October 24, I met what I thought was a nice, normal guy. CanD September 24, Its narcissistic pathological abuse to you. please help October 25, i have the same problem, when we met, he closed his profile, and we spent around 7 months good, then suddenely, I found his profile active, and I got mad and told him, he said, he just keep it but he does not look to anyone, he closed again and I forgave him, he changed said to me manytime that he will come to enagage me,for the last one he did not and again he opened his profile again,,, I got mad for the third time, and I sent him a msg, he said that person is his friend.
please tell me we are know each other around a year and 2 months. Kathy November 12, Wow, the same thing happened to me. Already have an account? Login first Don't have an account?
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Ask for help! Search New Questions Answers. Most Discussed Viewed. Top agony aunts. Before you decide to do anything, talk with your boyfriend. Simply tell him what you've told us—without using an accusatory tone—and see what he has to say.
However, I'd hold off on telling your man you did some reconnaissance work by visiting the actual site and poking around his profile page.
No one likes to feel spied on, especially if it turns out that he simply forgot he even signed up for the dating site. Because he doesn't have pictures up, it seems safe to say he's not actively looking for potential dates.
It's quite possible that he created the profile before you two started dating and just never bothered to take it down. As a matter of fact, some time ago, I was doing research for a story and created an online dating profile. I never put a picture up, nor did I provide any personal information.
Really, I had signed up just to see what the site's user interface looked like. So even though I never actively participated on this site, I still get emails every now and then encouraging me to check out single "compatible" guys in my area.
I'm guessing that by saying "XXX match making' website" you're referring to one of the dating sites but just not listing the name. However, if the site you're referring to is triple X-rated, then that's a bit different. Bring up your initial concerns about why he might be signed up for a dating service and then express your feelings about him being signed up with something so racy. Is it normal for guys to keep profiles up after they've started relationships? That's hard to say.
I'm sure some guys keep them up because they've forgotten about them.
Home Online Dating Blog My Boyfriend Has Kept His Online Dating Profile Active. Posted by: Brad. Strangely enough, this situation seems to happen more often than I would expect: after finding a serious relationship some men still keep their online dating profile active.
The primary reason to keep an online dating profile active is simple: the desire to meet people. Now there could be other reasons. Maybe he just likes having his ego stroked when women flirt with him. None of these are a good thing: 1. He likes to flirt and be flirted with. He may not flirt but likes the idea that women like him.
How Can I Fix This Situation? At the very least, this action is a serious sign of disrespect. Create an account on the same site and communicate with him. If pressed, your excuse for using the site should be the same as his. You might care a great deal for this man but his actions suggests he cares less for you than he should. Related posts: His Dating Profile is Still Active — Is He Interested or Not?
What to Do When Your Date Remains Active Online New Relationship: Should I Hide or Delete My Dating Profile If I Am Shy, Should I Mention It In My Online Dating Profile? A Second Dating Profile Review. I played this game with my EX fiance… for FOUR years……. blah blah blah. As long as you forgive and believe the b. If he loved YOU, he would have no need for an online ANYTHING. you are the ONLY woman I need…. Trust me. I have been there. LOSE THE LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thankyou Louise so miuch for being brave and honest I have one such man and it is just awful I dont trust him so ultimately will end the relationship Its so painful as we get on so well and are very compatible I am very angry and disappointed in his behaviour.
PS AND…… DO NOT….. I REPEAT……. DO NOT let them guilt you when they say.. Yeah everything you said is like what im going through. I have a boyfriend that is always coming home from work all happy but when he goes to take a shower i lool in his phone and i see that hes been going on different websites he has a gmail facebook msn and a zoosk and i see thar in his phone under history that shows all the.
Shit hes been doing behind ky bsck he doesnt delete them so i find them. Why is he doing this? He even doesnt like to male love with me sometimes at nigjt! It feels like hes rejecting me! He sometomes sleeps with his back turned to me!
I hate that also when hes really mad he calls me bad names. But later on apologises. He likes to say i dont love you as. Before when hes mad! And he denies going on any websites.
It kills me because he swears it by god! But i dnt know if its all togther true! Help me please is he cheating on me over the internet???? The guy and I met on eHarmony shortly after we both signed up, in early July. With their payment system, however, we both have to continue to pay until September. But he texted me tonight in the middle of our conversation telling me that he updated his with new photos!
His excuse was that he had to pay until September no matter what true and that he did it just because. Too bad for him that he was stupid enough to tell me what he did without me even asking or snooping lol. com for about a week prior to actually meeting. com profile down.
At pm I made the mistake of logging on to Match. My heart sank. I just feel as if I deserve the truth— if he wants to keep looking for something better, then I should be too. com and yes he was online everyday and active even when we where physically dating? what was his username on match? maybe we were dating the same stupid guy! I dated the pig too.
OMG,,i feel everything that has been spoken about here. Iam older,,59,,dating a 54 year old. At 3months i asked him why hes still on the dating sight where we met,,he yelled at me,,said nothing to worry about,,said he doesnt talk to anyone,,so i said well then its just like looking through a imaginer then,,he said yes.
Well i surest he remove his pic then,,as no one will write to u with no pic. I check back in 3 more months and pics still there. I left him for one week. I also went on a dinner date,,i told him of this,,and i was given roses from my date. We are back together,,he has never told me that he removed his profile,but i have checked twice now,,its gone,,or hes just removed the picture. Which will work for now.
Why do men feel the need to look,,he tells me he loves me,,we talk of moving in together,,i see him 4days a week. Two of them i sleep over. Whats going to happen with long term? I have been seeing him now for 7months. I was very hurt by this,,i was so disrespected as a women,,and i told him i closed my account,,and one day i put my pics back up,,he emailed me on this sight to say,,you look great. What the hell is wrong with these men? WEll only time will tell. I almost walk away for good. I was just so hurt,,and it gave me reasons to not trust,,at my age i dont need or want that kind of trust in my life.
Good luck to all of you both men and women. Go with ur gut in stinks. When u love someone,,its tough,,i know. Then I went on a date with a guy who told me about how many scam emails from women he gets from Russia, ect…. I had been told this before but had forgotten. without even logging onto Match at all…. I do not have a very big social life,to me dating sites are alternatives to meet some one. I has the same issue with my ex for 7 months he even gave me a promise ring and he tols me he loves me and i am the only one he wants,my cousin opens an account on pof the same site where i met him,and guess who was there active?
my ex….. i felt so dirty,betrayed and all the time,money and stress i invested in those 7 months were down the toilet. Now i have a trust issue with everyone else because of this matter. Please women out there we deserve better,take your time to know well who you are dating,there are many bad,heart less men out there….
just do not put your heart in an relationship if you are not sure about the other person background,records and love life. A cheater will be always a cheater …. Life is short live your life to the fullest ……god bless. Why go to a dating site to look for friends while monogamous? Look into a healthy interest group on meet up dot com or your local church, for example. Looking for FRIENDS on a site dedicated to matching people up to DATE is opportunity to — Well, DATE.
Trust is believing in someone to treat you with respect. Going to a dating site is disrespectful to the one with whom you are monogamous.
If you want out or are thinking about it — get out before you are tempted to check things out. I am currently going through this we have been dating for 6 months and had plenty of talks on my boyfriend being online daily. He did change his profile to hang out only.
· On the other hand, you might decide to go your separate ways and move on. The key is to trust your intuition and do what feels right for you. “If you find out your partner has a · Above all stay calm and relaxed in your Feminine energy and don’t fly off the handle and lose control of your emotions. He expects you to lose control, so don’t! If he gives you any chrisbigman. Guru. +1 y. If he hasn't been active, I wouldn't worry about it. But if he's active, then that's a problem and you should confront him about it. Yes, they are still there in case you Smitten. Reader's Dilemma: Help! My Boyfriend Has Online Dating Profile! Yikes! One of our sweet readers just sent us this perplexing email. Her boyfriend is signed up for an online Question - (29 November ): 6 Answers - (Newest, 29 November ): A female age , anonymous writes: I've been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now and its going really Answer (1 of 5): Maybe Because: He is still jealous!! Or He wants to make sure you are still available! Or He is so curious who would fill the vacuum he left! Or He is not letting go! In fact, ... read more
I am now laughing at him!!! julia February 24, OMG,,i feel everything that has been spoken about here. For about months it was on and off. He always tells me how much he loves me and our relationship is going so well…. If he isn't ready for that - his action will be by not giving up his profile , then you can let him know that perhaps this isn't the right relationship for you. I was previously also on OurTime and Zoosk….But later on apologises. It's really not fair on you. Notify me of new posts by email, boyfriend kept online dating profile. I'm guessing that by saying "XXX match making' website" you're referring to one of the dating sites but just not listing the name. He did. We met on Match.